Get them baby fingers off my keyboard!

Oh what a beautiful day it is outside. Shame I have no energy or motivation to take advantage of it. Even If I did, theres nothing in this little town to do. forthermore I live in an apartment complex so if I was just wandering around outside I would get some interesting looks from the neighbors.
Started the day off wrong, we both woke up at 8 this morning. I have to wake up at 6:45 in order to get the kids ready for school. oops. I know my alarm went off, but I just kept hitting snooze thinking that his alarm would go off at 7 and I'll just get up then. Aparently I hit the dismiss button instead of snooze. And apparently he had the same idea. Now, I wish that there was a mood ring that could let me know how my day is going to go before it happens. Hubby is off work today. He is currently working on a project of his, rebuilding this piece of junk truck into a hot rod or something. I don't know. He is always doing something. I suspect its so he doesnt have to be here. Normal life is far too boring for him. I'm far too boring for him. I didn't know he was going over to the barn as soon as he took the kiddos to school though. I had already enlisted him to help me install the cabinet locks so miss curious wouldnt get herself in a situation we could have easily avoided. The drill is over at the barn and he said that he had to go over there to get it. Ok. An hour and a half passes with no sign from him. It only takes 10 minutes to get to the school and another 10 to go on to the barn. I do what any other wife would do. I call. Heaven help me I didnt know I was going to be yelled at for that..." I DONT KNOW WHY YOUR CALLING ME I TOLD YOU I WAS GOING TO WORK ON THE TRUCK TODAY IS MY DAY OFF AND IM NOT COMING HOME TILL IM FINISHED"click.  Well ok... Does anyone else with a bipolar spouse have imaginary conversations with them? We have fought so many times because he has "already  told me" but in fact that conversation has never happened. With or without medication, we seem to have these conversations that I apparently was not invited to.

My first post ever.

This is me. All about me. Because here lately I don't even know who "me" is. My bipolar husband, the name of the blog, is named so because what he has has ultimately shaped who I am today. So many fights, so many arguments have ended with him saying "Not everything is about you!!"... I know there must be other wives or girlfriends in this world who feel that statement is very unfair. You're right. Not everything is about me. Nothing is about me. From what time I chose to wake up in the morning, to what I eat, even down to what outfit I chose to wear. I don't wear my ratty shirt because I chose to. Id LOVE to wear something new. But the baby spits up. Alot. Nothing in this house can run away from that rule. If you exist, you will be thrown up on. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting here saying oh its so hard to be a mother. Yes, its hard. But no, I'm not complaining. "Its your job" Oh my gosh I hear that every time I even try to explain to him about my day. YES raising my children is my "job" But last I knew I wasn't the only one who signed up for this. But suddenly he can't help. The baby is screaming because she wants picked up, but I can't at the moment.I happen to have icky chicken blood on my hands and I have to get supper finished because the boys have to eat dinner and go to school in the morning. He can't because the sound of her crying stresses him out. He can't because the baby only wants me and will still cry even if he picks her up. He cant even try and see if that theory is correct. So we listen to her cry. He gets to frustrated he picks her up and puts her in her crib and shuts the door. That's when she REALLY starts to scream. And that's when I REALLY start feeling guilty. Just the tiny tiniest bit of help would be wonderful. But that's not possible. He is watching a rerun of family guy for the 90th time and he doesn't want to miss a moment of it. The boys are playing play-doh on the table and is suddenly struck with an odd phenomenon called temporary deafness. My husband is a dick. He is self centered and he too suffers from temporary deafness.My husband is a cheater. Last but not least my husband is bi-polar. He has more mood swings than a pmsing teenage girl. I should give up. I should run away and never look back. But I can't. This is who I am now. I am a mother and a wife. I have no favorite color, Im addicted to the blue monster energy drinks. I have to depend on them to get me through the day. I have no hobbies and no close friends. The closest friend I have is my sister-in-law. Who suffers from bi-polar disorder as well but is in denyal. I suffer from depression, but I breastfeed so there is nothing I can safely take. Im 24 years old...I think.. I have no idea who I am, and Im trying to discover me.